Relationship Linguist Gifts

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

Awkward First Dates

WHO checklist

'You've changed since we got married.'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Relationships.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

Mime marriage.

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."