Relationship Irony Enthusiast Pillows

"Oh my God! How could you? His feet stink, his breath smells, he's got spots on his bum..."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Gigolo Diary

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

'Wow, I hate to be disturbed when I'm enjoying a good brew, too.'

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

"Divorced?" "Separated."

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

'How did you ever get a good conduct medal?'

"Nah, not my type."

'I should have seen it coming - my best man was her lawyer!'

Street musician playing to people with headphones in.

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

The Grim Reefer: 'DUDE,that was,like,your last puff,MAN.'

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

'I think we should start seeing other people.'

"There was actually a little romance while Jim and I broke up. Our divorce lawyers fell in love."

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

"Why do they think we've been shitting on him all these years?"

"Don't tell Noah about the vasectomy."

Swine flu.

A candy heart reading 'LOL' is struck with an arrow

Sinister cupid to another who just shot and killed a man: 'Finish the job.'

Rescued by the Grim Reaper.

"They always go for the dangerous types."

"A new study says teen in love have a higher risk for depression than teens who aren't romantically involved."

Buck's Truckin' - "Safety third!"

'I'm wondering where my wife is.'