Relationship Irony Enthusiast Pillows

"Oh my God! How could you? His feet stink, his breath smells, he's got spots on his bum..."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Gigolo Diary

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'Wow, I hate to be disturbed when I'm enjoying a good brew, too.'

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

"Divorced?" "Separated."

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

'I should have seen it coming - my best man was her lawyer!'

'How did you ever get a good conduct medal?'

"Nah, not my type."

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

Street musician playing to people with headphones in.

The Grim Reefer: 'DUDE,that was,like,your last puff,MAN.'

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

"There was actually a little romance while Jim and I broke up. Our divorce lawyers fell in love."

'I think we should start seeing other people.'

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

"Why do they think we've been shitting on him all these years?"

"A new study says teen in love have a higher risk for depression than teens who aren't romantically involved."

"They always go for the dangerous types."

Rescued by the Grim Reaper.

Sinister cupid to another who just shot and killed a man: 'Finish the job.'

Swine flu.

"Don't tell Noah about the vasectomy."

Buck's Truckin' - "Safety third!"

'I'm wondering where my wife is.'

Gravestones read 'Loving partner' and 'Still not looking for anything serious'.