Relationship Irony Fan Pillows

"They always go for the dangerous types."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

Revenge Graffiti.

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'Marry me!'

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

"He's a terrible drunk."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"This now concludes our broadcast day."