Romantic Irony Enthusiast Pillows

'How did you ever get a good conduct medal?'

'I'm wondering where my wife is.'

"There was actually a little romance while Jim and I broke up. Our divorce lawyers fell in love."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."