Relationship Humor Admirer Gifts

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"And note how the male tries to achieve dominance by hoarding the remote."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'Oh, you didn't hear? Mike and Shannon started going out last week.'

Women estimates naked man hanging from the terrace of his lover

Upset giraffe stuffs head in a tree

'Sorry Bruce, but we have to stop seeing each other: I've changed, you have to understand...'

"I didn't know what else to get you."

Life is for the birds.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Aging Problems

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."