Relationship Evaluation Pillows

'I had my accounting department run a cost-benefit analysis on you and I have some bad news.'

"I'm starting to think this is a marriage that should have been an e-mail."

"Is there something you'd like to talk about, Gerald?"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"You do like octopus?"

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Romance

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

Right click for yes...

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"