Relationship Breakthrough Gifts

Why do you need a girlfriend? Because it's nice to hang out with someone. Why? Because you can do fun stuff. Why? Just because. Oh, why didn't you say so? I think I've had a breakthrough.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Love at First Sight

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Romance

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Speed Dating for Turtles

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"You've changed."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Mr. Right!"

Romance

I only have eyes for you

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

Hug and Do a Chorus Line Kick.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Relationship Warning Lights

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'I'll be darned! A nipple mood ring!'

Couples' therapy