Relational Humor Aficionado Gifts

"I noticed you've packed the gallery with your relatives."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'Sorry, but my car is a hybrid and I wouldn't accept anything less in a husband.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"She just rolled over and started snoring!"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Prison Romance.

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

"Mum, Dad... I'd like you to meet my fiance, Goldilocks."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"It's perfect! You're a government redactor, and I'm a broadcast network word bleeper."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"