Relatable Humor Fan Pillows

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'More government surveillance!'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

Girl in cow onesie.

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'