Lovers Of Relatable Humor Pillows

'Ah, pants. My old nemesis.'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"Returns"

Covid-19 Caution

'We do have something in Real Estate for an individual who's willing to starve for a year before turning to the office supplies.'

Advent Calender.

Jackson Pollock's short-lived career as a kid's party face painter.

"You've been a very bad man and we like that. So now, we're going to send you to London."

"I love you the way the French love Jerry Lewis."

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

Virtual interview.

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

Proposed Site for New Three Storey Mirage

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

"He still hasn't figured out how to get out of his invisible cubicle."

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

Yeti/Not Yeti

Witch crashes into building on her broom and safety airbag deploys.

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

Imagine the mess the world woudl be in if we didn't have the best executives money can buy running it.

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'I 'Marvo the magician', being of right mind...have taken it with me.'

'The big guy wants to see you.'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?" "Brexit." "It was historic. I'm old enough to remember before the European Union existed. I witnessed its creation. But now it's fallen apart and well then what I witnessed wasn't all that historic after all." "Way to make it all about you." "It's like it was all just one big tease."

"Control yourselves!... I only said you may kiss the bride!"

'Jogging is a great exercise for a tit man!'

Done With You