Relatable Humor Pillows

"No, you don't have a fever, so yes you do have to go to school today. . . Remember, you're the teacher!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Bad fake tan day.

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!