Relatable Humor Pillows

"No, you don't have a fever, so yes you do have to go to school today. . . Remember, you're the teacher!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Bad fake tan day.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Always Compatible

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"Well, hello there, Boo Boo. Where's Daddy?"