Rejection Connoisseur Gifts

"This is a very important book. In fact, it's too important to publish."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'Love me little, love me long.'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Editor.

Basically, you should think outside the box, but don't color outside the lines!

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

'Oh, the irony! Just guess who gave me the welfare check I bought this sign with!'

Confession Ratings.

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

Kanye West

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Judgeasaurus

Gauntlet Cards, Respond at Your Own Risk

'I heard it was you who parked next to me and put a dent in my car door. Where do you want your vaporized ashes sent?'