Rejection Connoisseur Gifts

"This is a very important book. In fact, it's too important to publish."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'Love me little, love me long.'

Editor.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"My kid could do that."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

'Oh, the irony! Just guess who gave me the welfare check I bought this sign with!'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Confession Ratings.

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Judgeasaurus

Gauntlet Cards, Respond at Your Own Risk

"Forgive me, Father ... I forgot to take my Beano."