Rejected Novelist Gifts

"By the way, HarperCollins decided your book did not warrant publication."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Honoré de Balzac

Bookworm Sleepover

Jean-Paul Sartre

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

John Bunyan

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

George Orwell

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

Iris Murdoch

Sue the Author 3PM

"Author does not do tricks."