Regatta Humorist Gifts

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

Pirates at the mall.

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Walking the Plank.

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

Man painting MOM on boat

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'Click it or ticket.'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Ocean Liners will be Ocean Liners

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

'We're drifting apart.'

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

Fish near-death experiences.

"Nope, not a dock! Not a diving board! Guess again!"