Regal Comedy Pillows

"The monarch appreciates your wit, but thinks your timing sucks."

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"No, wait a minute. I'm King. You're Rex."

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

Emperor Trump and Sultan Erdogan

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Henry, sire, do you think having you're wife's name tattooed on your chest is a good idea?

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

'Go on then.....Rule!'

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

'The chef says the closest thing he has to 'four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie' is quiche.'

Prince

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

'What's all this I've been hearing about 'future deficits'?'

'And he thinks he's the most powerful being in the land.'

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

A king returns to his throne to find his dog sitting on it wearing his crown.

The Queen's Collies.

"It's still the red-carpet treatment, even if it's only remnants."

'I, Horace Windsock-Trumpintub, being of sound mind...'

'Because the seniority system is traditional, that's why!'

King with a long walk to his castle.

"Things have been quiet for some time in your line of work."

'When others are around, I'm Henry V ... not Hank.'

A royal helps their injured footman carry their palanquin

'Some other king called while you were out -- he said it was important.'

'You and your fabric softener!'

'We're never going to get any sleep at night until you hire a call screener!'

King has long walk to castle.