Refill Renegade Pillows

Harold pushed the 25 coffee refills to the limit

Jack of all trades

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'Yes you have to work Earth Day.'

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

Home maintenance

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

Working in recovery of Hurricane

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

'Looks like Ed Miliband's attempt to stop the race failed.'

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'Deer and Game Crossing'.

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'It's no use Lieutenant - he's still refusing to separate his recyclables.'

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

'But this IS my mobile home!'

"You gotta love the mpg we're getting!"

Solar Storm Expected!

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

Complaints (just kidding).

'I may not be an expert, but I know an ill-sighted wind turbine when I hear one!'

"Are you telling me you won't even ask the computerized navigational system for directions?"