Red Tape Survivor Gifts

'We've got the statistical analysis back...93% of the people who returned the survey thought it was 100% waste of time.'

"The money to help save your small business is at the end of this bureaucratic hallway. Good luck."

'Grottenmiller, this is the administration department. It's absolutely unacceptable that you've solved a problem in one hour when it could have been solved in three weeks!'

Redundant civil servant begging - 'Please fill-in these forms and attach to your payment, thank you'.

Small business being intimidated with regulations and red tape.

Roller skater see a sign: Nightmareville Pop. 5679 Beware Of Government Red Tape

"No, you can't see Mr. Smith without an appointment! But I can make you an appointment to make an appointment!"

"Come back tomorrow! That's what you said yesterday."

"These are the forms you need to fill out to show that our primary focus is client care."

'What did I tell you? -- red tape!'

'It's a questionnaire asking why you're interested in early retirement?'

Bureau of Missing What Have You.

'Age?' - 'Thirty three.' - 'Nationality?' - 'British' - 'Ethnicity?' - 'Full fat half pint white.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

Distractions: Work Disputes

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

IRS agent to lady: 'Your refund was delayed because of shredded paperwork ... but we're putting it all together with red tape.'

Diabolical bureaucratic management