Red Tape Victim Gifts

'I helped write the new tax code and even I don't understand it.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

Tied up in red tape.

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

If the NHS designed cars...They'd probably be the worst cars in the world.

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

Distractions: Work Disputes

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"People whinge about the irrelevance and duplication of paperwork, but if the forms aren't filled out how are we supposed to know how many forms have been completed?"