Red Tape Enthusiast Gifts

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

"Thanks to this innovative, state-of-the-art communication system, we can now support an even slower bureucracy'"

'Bad news - safety inspections are being cut.'

'Federal Communications Commission - May I help you?'

"I really believe red tape is the future!"

'Building Inspectors During Their Off Hours.'

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

'Does he mean before or after the needs survey?'

A day at the UN.

"Your appointment's at 2:00 but you'll need to be here by 11:00 to start filling out the forms."

"We are planning on thinking about setting up a preliminary consultative group to consider getting together to start working out where 'there' might be."

"I followed all the right regulations, but not, necessarily, in the right order."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"Why don't you ever do any positive stories about government dysfunction?"

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

Colin finds it difficult to let go of paperwork.

See District Directors