Red Tape Unraveling Enthusiast Gifts

"Why don't you ever do any positive stories about government dysfunction?"

'Let's not go by the book.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

Distractions: Work Disputes

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Tweed makes a Mockery of the Supreme Court

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

Diabolical bureaucratic management

Planning permission REFUSED...

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Bureaucratic castle

"So we are four days into the new Procurement Act. How are you feeling?"/"I am ok and everything seems to be fine, but I miss the anticipation."

A day at the UN.

'We struck these tax laws, but they somehow spontaneously regenerated into line 501(c), section 746-e, subsection (3), as described in paragraph (2).'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet