Red Tape Detective Gifts

"The practice nurse's assistant's assistant will see you now."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

How Many It Takes

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

Bureaucraze...

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

'Before I grant you your wish you have to fill out an environmental statement.'

Man sees Creative License Bureau

See District Directors

"People whinge about the irrelevance and duplication of paperwork, but if the forms aren't filled out how are we supposed to know how many forms have been completed?"

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

Industrial Injuries Benefit.