Red Tape Whisperer Gifts

The Weight of Bureaucracy

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Tied up in red tape.

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

If the NHS designed cars...They'd probably be the worst cars in the world.

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"People whinge about the irrelevance and duplication of paperwork, but if the forms aren't filled out how are we supposed to know how many forms have been completed?"

Colin finds it difficult to let go of paperwork.

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

Diabolical bureaucratic management

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

See District Directors

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

Federal Bureau of Bureaucrats: 'Regulation - the mother's milk of politics!'

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

"Check out my free white paper!"