Red Tape Wits Gifts

"Yeah, but no progress in meeting..."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

Tied up in red tape.

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

If the NHS designed cars...They'd probably be the worst cars in the world.

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Distractions: Work Disputes

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

Federal Bureau of Bureaucrats: 'Regulation - the mother's milk of politics!'

"Check out my free white paper!"