Red Tape Escapist Gifts

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

"If they survive the working group and the committee, you can count on the interdepartmental panel..."

Before we can rescue you...you need a safety check.

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

"But doesn't regulation 986B, part 89Q specifically state that you can't throw regulations out of the window?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

How Many It Takes

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Distractions: Work Disputes

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"