Red Tape Champ Gifts

'It's the paperwork that you need to fill out to show that we're spending all our time focussing on clients' needs.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'Let's not go by the book.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

How Many It Takes

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

Distractions: Work Disputes

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

Bureaucraze...

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Before I grant you your wish you have to fill out an environmental statement.'

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

Man sees Creative License Bureau

Diabolical bureaucratic management

Planning permission REFUSED...

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."