Master Of Red Tape Gifts

'It's our job to keep things at a manageable pace through strategic application of bureaucratic inertia.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Diabolical bureaucratic management

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Bureaucratic castle

Bureau of Red Tape

A day at the UN.

'We struck these tax laws, but they somehow spontaneously regenerated into line 501(c), section 746-e, subsection (3), as described in paragraph (2).'

'Does he mean before or after the needs survey?'

Bureaucrat

'Of course it's a lengthy process. We feel hiring you should be as difficult as firing you.'

"More government regulations, Mr. Maslin?"

'Building Inspectors During Their Off Hours.'

CITY HALL, NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL., 'Oh, no, your problem isn't too big or too small - it's just too difficult.'

'This is a serious complaint, we need time to consider it properly...about 15 years should do!'

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

"Jenkins, rumor has it there are people outside this meeting who are doing actual work. Go find out."

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

"OK team, what are we not going to accomplish today?"

'Excuse me, Mr. Jennings, but there's a gentleman here who wants to know if you'd mind him leaving some paperwork with you to go over.'

'I've been here for 30 years. I've forgotten what my exact role is, but I do finally know how to fill out all the forms.'

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

'Before they give us the funding they want to see a 3 year blind study, peer reviewed and carried out by a recognised academic authority . . .'