Red Tape Master Gifts

"People are always moaning about 'red-tape' about mountains of form filling."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

How Many It Takes

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

Town Planning Department

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

Bureaucraze...

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

See District Directors