Red Tape Runner Gifts

Town Planning Department

'Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork.'

'Here we have a timetable for setting a target for when we can confirm a target for getting rid of more targets!'

'The HR department has struggled to come up with a staff protection scheme that fits within our budget.'

'The job can normally be done in 40 hours a week, a few more if you have to actually see any patients!'

'I'd like the short form instead...'

'Our campaign will generate a lot of hot air. Did you remember to file an environmental impact statement?'

"Sorry. I'll have to run your exit papers through our endless legal departments."

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

"If you can fill these out before you pass away we can move on to stage two of your claim."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

How Many It Takes

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"