Red Tape Conqueror Gifts

'I've been here for 30 years. I've forgotten what my exact role is, but I do finally know how to fill out all the forms.'

Bureau of Red Tape

Bureaucracy

'Let's not go by the book.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

Distractions: Work Disputes

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

"Why don't you ever do any positive stories about government dysfunction?"

"Yeah, but no progress in meeting..."

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Planning permission REFUSED...

Diabolical bureaucratic management

IRS agent to lady: 'Your refund was delayed because of shredded paperwork ... but we're putting it all together with red tape.'

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

Bureaucrat

'We struck these tax laws, but they somehow spontaneously regenerated into line 501(c), section 746-e, subsection (3), as described in paragraph (2).'

Bureaucratic castle