Red Or White Ringleader Gifts

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

One-man band rehearsal.

'The Orginial Big Band sound'

Felix suddenly remembers what the string on his finger is a reminder of.

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Cab Calloway Swings

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

"I've got a pulse!"

'Publish or perish doesn't apply to coaching, Yomp - it's recruit, recruit, win, win, win!'

'You CAN Pass The Turing Test!'

Poetry Knight

'That's the last time I trust you to train the dog!'

'If it's alright with your agent, Kolwalski, I'd like to hand the ball off to you.'

'And a one, and a two, and a three, and a four...'

I'm tired of being an alt-right internet superstar. It's way too much work now that I've got 48,000 subscribers to my Youtube channel. Since when do you have 48,000 subscribers? Since my debut video detailed how indigenous people from Foreignvania faked the moon landing by using teddy bears and special effects. I developed a unique following that's part racist, part conspiracy-enthusiast, part Photoshop user, and part Care Bear fanatic. Yeah ... I'm tired just listening to that. It's getting tou

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

"He's a genius at product placement."

"He doesn't miss an opportunity when it comes to leading the school."

Diner angry at a robot waiter because of a nut in his food

"It's not my fault that you forgot your hearing aid!"

"Where are you getting those notes from?"

'The health dept. takes a great leap forward.'

'Wake him up. He's the one who started all of this.'

"Mr Shamani co-ordinates boardroom rituals."

The critic as band leader

'You mean we've all been playing different songs? I wonder how long that's been going on...'

Steve Miller

A Cowpat A cow patting another cow

'You mean we've all been playing different songs? I wonder how long that's been going on...'

'Your USB port is open.'