Recruitment Tales Gifts

'I'm afraid you don't qualify for the job. But I do have a dinner engagement open that you might be interested in.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Who's next?"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'