Workforce Tales Fan Gifts

"You having a hard time finding qualified workers?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Goodbye, Cruikshank. We leave you to contemplate the wisdom of messing with big dog!"

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

'Be a sweetie and get me a cup of coffee!'

Sales Secretary

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

The Shepherd's Staff. . .

"Hang on—I dropped my car keys."

'I need to hire more people. I can't keep making all of these mistakes.'

'Keep up the good work, Simmons and we might just take the wheels off.'

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

'As you know, this is a Right-To-Work-Cheap-OR-we-send-your-job-to-Asia-state...'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'In my day, it was 50% soldiers and 50% workers... Now it is 50% soldiers, 20% managers, 20% admin and only 10% workers...'

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

Worker takes Boss out in a wheelbarrow

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

The boss is world famous for his profound analysis of human nature, but to work here all you need to know one grunt is yes and two is no.

Our Founder portrait looking over boss's shoulder.

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

'Is he expecting you?'

Boss has No Parking sign placed in middle of office.

"Maxwell, you idiot! You mailed copies of your last letter to our entire contact list."

"Management are fighting over the best way to resolve conflict in the workplace..."

'Behold,a cross section of our workforce: the energy of youth mixed with the wisdom of years.'

'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

'Why can't I be top banana? I'm a bigger hypocrite than any of them!'