Records Gifts

"What the hell's going on here ... ?"

'I see you've got a new single coming out.'

Gramaphone Man.

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

When you said you missed your vinyl, I assumed you meant your records.

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

'Wait. Let me check the time. ... Yes! It's a new world record!'

'I wonder if the guinness people would be interested in the world's record for the most time spent on hold.'

'Suddenly everyone realised they hated chill out music.'

'My credit report. Well - they said it's the lowest ever, but on the flip side I'll be in the Guinness World Record book.'

"Sorry, your meeting's been pushed back...Mr. Smith's only 2,000 from a world record!"

"No, chasing fifteen cats in one day is not a record. . . unless all of the cats were green."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Large print rock'n'roll section

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"You know you're getting old when..."

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

"Stanley, this is a historic moment. We've discovered the world's longest kiss. Guinness Book of Records here we come!"

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

Groovy Baby

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."