Record Shop Regular Gifts

'Excuse me is this the blues section?'

'Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed...'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Rump roast?"

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

I wish I'd had the review.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"And would you like flies with that?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Prawn Cocktail Please

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'