Recognition Enthusiast T-Shirts

Employee of the month.

'I always feel I could have taken credit for more.'

"Since I deeply value recognition, I'm honored to present this 'Outstanding Effort' award to what's-his-name here."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Soccer coach of the year.

Tom Cruise

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Norman E-Mailer

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Honorable mention in science: the Nobel surprise.

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

Most Loyal Employee Award

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

'Boss, about your newfound determination to focus on employee recognition...'

Will Smith's Oscar

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you