Recognition Enthusiast Gifts

Employee of the month.

'I always feel I could have taken credit for more.'

"Since I deeply value recognition, I'm honored to present this 'Outstanding Effort' award to what's-his-name here."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Soccer coach of the year.

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

Tom Cruise

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Geoffrey Rush

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

What really became of the boy named Sue.

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

Honorable mention in science: the Nobel surprise.

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

Will Smith's Oscar

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'