Recliner Conqueror Gifts

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Commutobile

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

Planting a Flag on the Summit

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'I'd like a few words with you Farnsworth. Aren't those my shoes you're wearing?'

Monday morning is nigh.

A Learning Curve.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Time to put away your presents. I don't have room. You said you "needed" a new jacket. I do! My old one's too small. Donate it. I would. But I can't get it out of my closet.

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"It's our best seller. Perfect for sitting idly by."

'Razed any good cities lately?'

'The Ben Franklin? What an honor! I see your 'Poor Richard's Almanack' in bathrooms all over the place!'

You finished Netflix

"12 isn't a bad score on the hole. You did stray and some of those windmills are quite tricky!"

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

"By the way, some of us have begun to feel that 'Because it's there' is not reason enough."

"I think you'll find the cushions to be very soft sir!"

No U Turn.

'He was a lazy boy. We should have known he'd grow up to be a lazy man.'

"Ha ha, very funny. But seriously … there’s a pub at the top?"

'Well, that's the gardening done - until the perishing things spring up again!'

Employees have 'carrot and stick' set-up with coffee, biscuits and pastries. Chairman says: 'These are a crucial part of our new campaign to get employees walking to work.'

'You have to start leaving for work earlier. Even I beat you to the office this morning.'

The Off-Roading Commuter

"Time to wake up, Jim. It's Monday morning."

'This one only has two positions... 'attention' and 'at ease'.'