Recipes Gifts

Faith-Based Tuna Casserole

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

Stand back - while I whip something up

'What do I do now?'

"Here's a dish I used to cook for my late husband. If you want to try it just follow the recipe, but ignore the part where it mentions a pinch of arsenic."

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'Someone added chocolate chips to all my recipe files. Do you know anything about that?'

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."

Cat looking up fish recipes.

Cook Book: Your dinner is on page 28.

'The recipe calls for blubber, onion, carrot, olive oil, lemon and tomato. I left out the onion, carrot, olive oil, lemon and tomato.'

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

"Your mother wants me to make parsnip soup. Would you Google and tell me what a parsnip is?"

". . . A slight change in the menu, folks. . . tonight's special will be blackened chicken!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

Young Professional Recipe Test

Recipe from the American Cheese Council.

'There - a cookbook.'

"This sounds good: place the veal in the casserole and simmer for two minutes. Pour on broth, add the vegetables and herbs..."

Jester cooks using book called 'Fool-proof Cooking'.

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'It's my secret recipe.'

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

The Joy of HIM cooking

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

"Wow, you've absolutely smashed it."

Rosemary Leaves. Rosemary Comes Back.

Hiding the salt mill

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Do two peanut butter cups equal one peanut butter pint."

"No, you're not here about a promotion. You're here because of the brownies you brought to the potluck."

"It's a de-deconstructed steak and kidney pie."

Cat Reads Newspaper Announcement About A Fish Fry