Family Recipes Gifts

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Chez Nous Menu

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Like death by salad.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Cookbooks

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

A man and baby wearing bibs

Witches of Instagram

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'A hacker broke into our computer and, in an act of human kindness, deleted your mother's recipe for peppers and meat loaf.'

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

"Ah! The Amazing Mommy and her tray of condiments!"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."