Recipe Re-inventor T-Shirts

'Instead of 'shortening', shouldn't that oil be called 'fattening'?'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Cookbooks

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Cook in the cookery section.

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

Cheese Secret

"I wonder what our self-cooking kitchen has for us today."

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

"Fresh pepper?"

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'Propane ran out.'

'Isn't it great? It gives us four times the storage space as a regular fridge!'

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

'It's amazing how many recipes you can find with courgettes in them when you have to'