Receipt Wrangler Gifts

"...They're not fighting over the bill, it's the receipt."

'Any reciepts to prove all the deductions?' 'I was afraid you'd never ask!'

'You don't have to get your receipts laminated, Mr. Streitfeld.'

'You want an extension? In the middle of the war on terrorism!'

"I told you. . . it's your turn to do Mr. Small's accounts!"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

High Riders of the Old West

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

'Sorry, you must have the wrong person, I don't pay income tax.'

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

'These continuous tax increases will be the death of us.'

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

Tax - Random Audit

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

'How do you do it? I keep coming up with six.'

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

"You found another deductible receipt."

"Dad, if you don't know the answer to this algebra question...just say so."

'Do you have anything that will help me do my taxes?' 'Yes, but we're not allowed to sell it on Sundays.'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

The opinion poll ltd.

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."