Receipt Keeper Gifts

"Of course I didn't throw out all the receipts on purpose, and how was I to know we were going to be audited."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Maybe clean out your wallet

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gone Bookkeepin'

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

Accountant Manqué

Dear Dairy

Records?

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

"Accounts Dept, can I help you?"

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'