Receipt Keeper Pillows

"Of course I didn't throw out all the receipts on purpose, and how was I to know we were going to be audited."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Sheep Ledger

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Gone Bookkeepin'

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Now I see your problem. You've been using a leaf blower to rake it in."

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

Accountant Manqué

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

Records?

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"Accounts Dept, can I help you?"

'Don't get your hopes up, I'm only laughing excessively...'

'We've gone through your books and we demand payment in cash.'