Receipt Hunter Pillows

"You found another deductible receipt."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Maybe clean out your wallet

"Stanley, this is a historic moment. We've discovered the world's longest kiss. Guinness Book of Records here we come!"

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

'I hope you kept the receipt.'

'Not MORE flippin' crockery!'

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

The 12 Days of Covidmas

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'Poor me. . . pour me a drink!'

'You and your stones collection.'

"You're right, professor, this wouldn't be just any birthday!"

'I take it, you're just starting out.'

'Better reception, more channels and we throw in the DVR for free!'

"I'm taking me voucher and going to circus school."

"These things are useless. They beep constantly, but we never find a thing."

Archaeologists look at stratigraphy with irons in it - 'And right above the Stone Age strata you can clearly see artefacts from the 'Iron Age'!'

"Hear ye...the reading of the cvs receipt."

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"Psst... Do you have any LLPs?"

'You've got to give it to Jim...He's not one to let new business go lightly.'

'So, I take it that this is not one of your better report cards!'

'We decided to give you cash for your birthday, so please give me a receipt.'

"Of course I didn't throw out all the receipts on purpose, and how was I to know we were going to be audited."

'Could I have a receipt for this please?'

"First you said 'Don't bring home a bad report card', Then you ask to see it. Make up your mind."

'You don't have to get your receipts laminated, Mr. Streitfeld.'

'You want an extension? In the middle of the war on terrorism!'