Receipt Hunter Pillows

"You found another deductible receipt."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Stanley, this is a historic moment. We've discovered the world's longest kiss. Guinness Book of Records here we come!"

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

'Not MORE flippin' crockery!'

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

"I'm taking me voucher and going to circus school."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'Better reception, more channels and we throw in the DVR for free!'

'I take it, you're just starting out.'

'Poor me. . . pour me a drink!'

"You're right, professor, this wouldn't be just any birthday!"

'You and your stones collection.'

Archaeologists look at stratigraphy with irons in it - 'And right above the Stone Age strata you can clearly see artefacts from the 'Iron Age'!'

"Hear ye...the reading of the cvs receipt."

"Psst... Do you have any LLPs?"

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

'You've got to give it to Jim...He's not one to let new business go lightly.'

'So, I take it that this is not one of your better report cards!'

'We decided to give you cash for your birthday, so please give me a receipt.'

'Could I have a receipt for this please?'

"Of course I didn't throw out all the receipts on purpose, and how was I to know we were going to be audited."

"First you said 'Don't bring home a bad report card', Then you ask to see it. Make up your mind."

'You don't have to get your receipts laminated, Mr. Streitfeld.'

"Walter, will you please step away from that sign?"

"I told you. . . it's your turn to do Mr. Small's accounts!"