Reassurance T-Shirts

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

'Everything will be ok. I promise... Let's discuss your payment options.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

The Artist

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"Extreme miming"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Obama Healthcare.

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'I hate frisking magicians!'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"We fell for this last time remember..."

Healthy Patients Only