Medical Reassurance T-Shirts

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

First aid departments

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

The Children's Hospital

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Try not to think about your car-parking charges.'

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"The doctor will see you now, warts and all."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

Medical Exam

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

'Triglycerides? Let's just say when your cholesterol,HDL and LDL are partying it up, he's the guy you want to gate crash!'