Reassuring Parent T-Shirts

See, no monster under your bed

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"What part of this don't you understand?"

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

'I've got the children busy finding a solution to the Middle East crisis...'

'Yes, I think God still would want you to say grace for asparagus and carrots.'

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

Uncertain Future

'I'm sure she'll stop soon.'

"Or, it could be a huge advantage."

I have two teenagers that text!

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."

School Lunches and Childhood Obesity.