Lover Of Reassurance T-Shirts

"Come on, Joey, this is nothing. I wouldn't worry about this at all."

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

Magic Tricks

While You Were Out: We Moved!

Traffic Cone Monsters

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Wine of the Day Club

"The favourite practical joke amongst Big Bang theorists"

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

Don Quichotte's shadow

How did that enchantment go again? Must I spell out everything for you?!

Run. Freeze. Run again! Turn around. Run! No, freeze!

"Fortunately, we're in the market for the thrills, not the money - right, Mr. Franjola?"

'Just lend me a little bit more. I feel lucky.'

To the Aquarium

"What a noise! Sounds like two disco dancing elephants"

Sewage Farm, "Bloody Hell, Crap Circles."

"I'm not real good at promoting myself, so I brought my mom."

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

"I've always felt that what's good for me is good for the group"

"The strawberry surprise may have been predictable but the real surprise comes with the bill."

'Don't freak out...' Man and his puppet, who has a puppet of its own.

"Enjoy!"

Today, a look at a new activity that combines the thrills of extreme sports with a collective amnesia about the market crashes: Xtreme Investing. Wall Street new, helmet, calculator, turf cleats. Check, check, check and check. I'm going for a high degree of difficulty. I'm buying stock in a company I don't know anything about just 'cause I like the name. Tap. I just lost $500. Dude, that was awesome! Totally. Now I flee from my creditors. Next week: Xtreme Napping.