Risk-averse Realist T-Shirts

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

We have control of you brain.

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

No crawling sign in the desert.

'Maybe hard work 'never killed anyone' but why take the risk?'

Handy chart

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

'Just lend me a little bit more. I feel lucky.'

Japanese disaster

"Fortunately, we're in the market for the thrills, not the money - right, Mr. Franjola?"

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

'Hi. The Bluebird of Happiness retired. I'm the Bluebird of Things Could Be Worse.'

'Your financial statements indicate to my trained eye that your tolerance for risk is low.'

'I totally understand your extreme risk-aversion. Now hand over your mattress and let's slip into some comfy corporate bonds.'

'Wait! -- What if I get WARTS?'

Poor Man Who Thinks Big...

"Years are like my previous five marriages. You welcome them with big expectations, but you end hating them."

'I thought opportunity was knocking. Turned out, it was the wolf.'

Laid off? Make the most of what you've got and tap all resources.

"Me? I'm really scared and sad these days..."