Risk-averse Planner T-Shirts

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

A wiser and a better man

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

'Oops! Maybe I should've put this sign out a little earlier.'

'Maybe hard work 'never killed anyone' but why take the risk?'

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

'Wait a minute! Aren't you the chap who refused planning permission on the St., Mary's church extension?'

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."

Circus. It's been fun working with these circus performers on their financial planning. Those clowns are serious savers! Yeah, they've cut expenses by carpooling. The highwire walker wants a portfolio with a mixture of stocks and bonds. Having balance is her highest priority! And the lion tamer is interested only in very safe investments --- He has zero tolerance for more risk in his life. Our last meeting today is with the trapeze artist. What is your net worth? Every penny it cost!

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

'Your financial statements indicate to my trained eye that your tolerance for risk is low.'

'I totally understand your extreme risk-aversion. Now hand over your mattress and let's slip into some comfy corporate bonds.'

Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.

'I'm a nervous investor so I asked my broker to dilute my market risk. My broker put me into a hedge fund of hedge funds of hedge funds.'

'Even with the impact of global warming I think Timmy would be safe enough with factor 95'

"Happy New Year"

'Dammit, Tell! Practice on your own kid!'

My 35 years of experience tell me your tolerance for risk is low...

"Our low risk portfolio concerns extend to sanding off all the sharp corners."

'I need to write a list of things to do, but I just can't get around to doing it.'

Hard Work Never Killed Anybody - But why take the risk??